Working mom

I had an interesting conversation with a mom whose daughter is in Ben’s gymnastics class. 

Sometimes public situations with strangers is excruciating for me. I’m a total introvert by nature and small talk with someone I don’t know is highly uncomfortable for me. It’s something I’m working on but I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully there. Anyway. 

After answering question after question about whether my kids did VBS this year; if they’ll be doing any activities during the school year; where my daughter was that morning (she was at her mom’s during this conversation; a surprised look was the response from the person with whom I was talking, who clearly didn’t know she was not mine biologically); how often Amelia is with her mom and with us; if Ben will be going to school this year; where he will be going; what my husband does for a living; if I want more kids (😡😡😡😡😡 I really hate that question); and a bunch of other questions, she asked me if I worked outside the home. Y’all, I HATE this question because I ALWAYS know where it’s going to lead. I answered that I’m a teacher and SURE ENOUGH she asked me, with a dumbfounded look, how I handle being a teacher, a mom, a step mom, and everything else. I tuned her out and just politely nodded while she told me how she struggles to keep up with everything she has to do, and how she can’t imagine adding a job outside the home to that. 

Ok. Fair enough. But here’s my latest zinger, ladies. I DON’T. I don’t handle it all. My house is usually in need of a good thorough cleaning.  I love cleanliness and order, but sometimes that’s the first thing to go to the back burner. There’s more than one night a week during the school year where I insist John pick up dinner from Chick fil a on his way home, and I keep frozen pizzas stocked for when I just can’t do anything after work. There’s usually one day a week at least where I come home from work, turn on a cartoon for Ben, and take a power nap. There are some days my biggest accomplishment is keeping myself and my kids alive. 

Listen, I won’t go into a big thing about how NOBODY asks my husband how he handles everything. It’s expected men will have a job outside the home. It’s expected that they’re capable of handling parenthood and a career. Women are held to different standards, and I’ll tell you something.....it’s usually other women who have those standards. I’ve actually never had a man ask me how I handle parenthood and a career. They just don’t. I think so many times men see women as more capable than women do. Isn’t that strange?? 

So listen. If you’re a man and you’re reading this, rock on. You’re doing a great job handling  everything you have to handle. Keep it up, and while you’re at it, support the women you know who are also working to do everything on their to do list. 

Ladies, can we start supporting each other more? 

I can’t tell you how many times, when I found out I was pregnant with Ben, other women would tell me “You know, they’re only young once. Are you sure going back to work is the best thing?”

I’m not even kidding. 

Look, I love being a momma. It fills up part of my heart I need filled. But y’all. I also love being a teacher. And I’ll tell you something. Having a career and not being a stay at home mom is the best version of me. It makes me a better mom for my kids. 

I have a ton of friends who stay home and homeschool and raise kids. I respect them and think they’re amazing. If you are one of them, keep up the good work. 

I have a ton of friends who have kids and a full time career. Awesome job, keep up the good work. 

I have friends who work from home and have successfully created a life for themselves in that environment. Awesome job, y’all. 

Our differences make the world go round. 

Ladies, something we need to work on is supporting each other and being each other’s biggest cheerleaders. The world is hard sometimes. We all have battles that are kicking our butts. During the last 15 years I’ve been through a divorce; dealt with realizing my mom is an Alzheimer’s victim; coming to the realization that my mom grew up in an abusive situation that was far worse than I ever imagined; and removed myself from a bulk of my immediate family because of dysfunction that was slowly destroying me. It’s been a heavy few years. But I did it. I did it while I worked and built a life and I did it while I was raising kids. So sometimes my house is dirty, sometimes my kids watch tv, and sometimes we eat fast food. 

Life is gave and take. 

Women, let’s stop demanding absolute perfection from ourselves and from other women. Let’s step back, lose ourselves in the moment, and do our best to survive....even if surviving is all that is on our list of accomplishments for that day. 

You are enough. You’re doing a great job.