Friday, July 31, 2015

To my friends who have had an abortion

Dear sweet ladies,

I want you to know that I love you.  I want you to know the most important thing in the world: GOD LOVES YOU.  So much He sent His Son to die for you.  You are a beautiful princess and daughter of the most high King.  The world will try to tell you that you are a lot of things, but most of those things don't line up with what Christ says about you.  I know.  I've battled that distinction myself.  

I know that the uncovering of the videos of Planned Parenthood over the last few weeks must be devastating.  I honestly can't imagine the grief some of you must feel.  I am writing this to hopefully throw some encouragement your way.  I want you to remember who you are and what Christ says about you.  I think it's fair to say we all need that reminder sometimes.

Did you know that He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west?    Psalm 103:12

Satan is the father of lies.  He will try to convince you that you're not who Christ says you are.  And he's good at it.  He's been doing it since the beginning of time.  John 8:44

Did you know that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus?  Romans 8:1

Did you know that Satan is the accuser of the brethren (Jesus Christ does not accuse us!)  Satan wants nothing more than for us to live in our bondage, perpetual slaves, and unable to make a difference for the Kingdom of Christ.  You deserve better!
 Revelation 12:10

See, when Christ died on that cross, His sacrifice was big enough for all of us.  Can you even imagine that?  Every lie, every murder, every theft, every abortion, every affair, EVERYTHING.  There is NOTHING too big for Him to cleanse and forgive...you only have to ask.  
He didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7
His perfect love casts out fear.  1 John 4:18

I know you must struggle, just like I do.  I wonder how the worst things I've done can be forgiven and forgotten.  But they are.  
I hate that we live in a broken world.  I hate that Satan has the power to lie to us and blind us.  I pray as you carry forward that you will know that I love you and I pray for you.  I pray you'll be able to catch glimpses of the love of the Father.  How deep is His love for us!  May you be free from the bondage of sin and live in His love.  We all make decisions that are woefully below who we are in Christ.  And if we confess, He always forgives us and removes our sin.  1 John 1:9

I pray for you.  I pray for our country.  I pray, one by one, we will begin to value the least among us.  I pray that men will step up and be father's.  I pray that pregnancy will not any longer be thought of as a sickness, but a blessing.  I pray that Cecile Richards, Deborah Nucatola, Mary Gatter, and every other person who is living in the bondage of this terrible way of life will have Saul-like transformations.  

If you are struggling, please know I'm here for you.  You can come see me or message me or just know in your heart that, throughout my fight for the unborn, you are also on my heart.  I am outspoken about the tragedy that is abortion.  I am outspoken because I love the unborn and I love women and I know how much it hurts them both.  I cannot wait to see how God will use your brokenness for His kingdom.  He has beautiful plans for you, sweet sister in Christ.  Now go, and live and love and bask in His love for you.  

I love you.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

This Pregnancy

Several weeks ago, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. 
I had absolutely no idea the kind of emotion mix that would come along with that diagnosis, but it has been a very interesting few weeks. I've finally decided I am ready to share openly what I've been feeling since then.

Fear has played a major part in my coming to terms with everything this diagnosis entails. First I was upset that I had to stick my finger four times daily to test my sugars (umm, ouch). I was skeptical about the outcome of the test which revealed my blood sugar is high right now. I questioned the accuracy, I felt frustrated and certain that it couldn't be true. 
Honestly, I'm not sure I've fully come to terms with the diagnosis even now. 

But here I am. Counting carbs (I've NEVER had to do that before!), testing blood sugar several times daily, and reporting back to my doctor regularly to make sure everything is on the right track. I start weekly sonograms next week to make sure Baby John is developing as he should be. And truthfully, I'm terrified. 
There is a certain amount of guilt that has come along with this diagnosis. And seriously, it frustrates me that I feel guilty. Ok, so my placenta and hormones are unable to process glucose like they should. Why would that make me feel guilty?? I have no clue, but it certainly does. I have those moments where I feel like I've let my little man down, or that I haven't protected him and taken care of him like I should have. And even though I KNOW that's not the case, my feelings are still very real. And I know exactly what it is called: Pride. 
Pride is the reason I didn't want to tell anyone what was going on. Pride is the reason I felt like a failure for not being perfect. Pride is ugly and it has been out in full force in my life. 

And then there's the fear. The constant "what if's" and "why's" and everything else that comes along with a not-so-perfect pregnancy. (Seriously, has anyone ever had a "perfect" pregnancy? Probably not, but for some reason in my mind I have convinced myself that I have failed if I don't have one.)

Yesterday I had an doctor's appointment...nothing groundbreaking or unexpected, but I left feeling totally defeated and again totally terrified. I know where that comes from and it certainly is not my Savior (quite the opposite). 
I cried most of the day, felt totally alone, and allowed the fear to envelop me. 
I felt like I'd let everyone down. 

Then this morning at school happened. I showed up, having no idea what was about to hit me. I went to our Wednesday morning devotional and was absolutely divinely met by my and my baby boy's Creator with the firm but loving reminder that HE is in charge. "Oh you of little faith," He said to me. See, Christ also had to say that to His disciples, who spent every single day with Him in the flesh. And they still doubted Him. So yeah, my meeting with Him where I sat and listened to Him sounded a little something like this:
"Bond, really? I've given you this amazing, sweet, beautiful gift. I've allowed you to be steward for my most valuable creation, another human being, and you respond with doubt and fear? I created John Benjamin. I knit him together in your womb. I had a plan for him before the beginning of the world. I sent my Son to die for your son. Why do you think you can do better than I? ENJOY IT, my child. Soak it in. Bask in it. Pray over him. Dedicate him to me daily. He is a gift on loan from me. Don't be little in faith. Be great in trust and mighty in prayer."

Wow. 
So I'm not sure exactly what this will look like for me, and I'm sure I'll fall flat on my face with moments of doubt and fear, but what a wake up call! What a beautiful moment of conviction and truth. I pray I will be the mommy this little man needs and deserves. And I know it starts with recognizing he isn't really mine at all...he is a gift on loan to me from his very Creator. I am blessed more than I can even believe right now. Actually I couldn't wait to get back to my office during my break and write all this down. 
Today I'm choosing joy. 



















Tuesday, July 29, 2014

To My Son

My sweet little man,
You've been growing in my tummy for the last five months, and you've stolen my heart.  There's so much I want to tell you already about life.  It can be so confusing, so painful, so happy, such a mixture of emotions.  
I pray for you every day.  And I know I'm not the only one.  Your daddy prays for you, too.  You already have a big church family who loves you.  They are wonderful people; I can't wait for you to meet them.  I love the thought of them being a part of your life as you grow and learn to love and serve Jesus.  I am privileged to be able to be your mommy and do my best to help you see who you are in Christ.  He designed you especially for your daddy and me...it is an overwhelming blessing for us.  Before the beginning of the earth, He knew you.  He died for you.  May you never forget that.  If I could only give you one thing, it would be a love for Jesus Christ.  Everything else comes second.  I hope you can run towards Him, serving Him with your whole heart, during your short life on this earth.  I pray that you will do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with Him.  He has amazing plans for you.  
Don't listen to this world.  They will try to tell you who you are and who you should be.  Don't lose track of who you really are.  Don't settle for the world's way.  The One who designed you will help you see who He made you to be.  Satan has no power over you.  You are a child of the most high God.  
The world will tell you that you have to be strong; good at sports; popular with women; physically handsome.  You may indeed be all of those things.  But if you're not, it doesn't change who you truly are.
You are strong in the Lord.  You have the ability to pursue justice in His name; to speak for those who cannot.  He sees your heart; I pray that it will remain pure for Him.  
The world will throw temptations at you and tell you that you're not normal if you resist them.  You weren't created to fit in to this world.  You were created to soar and stand for something that will far outlast this world.  Temptation runs rampant.  Satan prowls around like a lion, seeking his prey.  Stay alert.  You will feel the pressures of conformity...it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.  I pray you know God's Word and are confident about who you are through Him.  His Word is active; alive; powerful.  May it be your weapon as you battle the temptations you are bound to face.  Learn what His Word says about love, service, women, family, and yourself.  Don't settle for less.  
I love you, little man.  From the time I was a little girl I knew I was going to have a son someday. Throughout this entire pregnancy, before I knew for sure you were a boy, I knew in my soul that you were.  It was simply a gut instinct that I had always had.  You are special, son.   You are loved.  You are cherished. There is a plan with your name on it.  You mom and dad will always be here for you.  I love you.
Love,
Mommy

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My Baby

I woke up this morning to the sound of soft rain and thunder.  What happened next was somewhat strange but not really unusual for me.  I sometimes find myself waking up with what feels like a heavy cloud over my heart.  I'm not always sure if it's because I had a bad dream or if it is just the feeling of uneasy stirring that I often feel, but I had it this morning and it was strong.  
I resisted the urge to get up right then and busy my mind doing things around the house, and I just rested in bed for a few minutes, asking God to talk to me.  What happened next is uncomfortable but undeniable.  I realized that during this entire pregnancy I've been not only aware of what is developing inside of me...week by week, day by day...but I realized that I've daily also been vividly aware of how easy it would be for me as a woman to snuff that little life out.  The thought made me ill.  

I've always found it offensive when I hear politicians or public figures who think they speak "on behalf" of all women discuss the subject of killing a child in the womb as if it is some convenient right every woman has.  It has always disgusted me.  Now that disgust has developed into some sort of other emotion that I'm not even sure I'm familiar with.  For lack of a better term I will call it pity, although I don't think that word does it justice.  I have a deep need to remember every single day how precious this gift is, and how tragic it is that so many others are deceived into believing it is a punishment; an inconvenience; a setback.  

I haven't recognized my body in several months.  I throw up often, I gag every time I brush my teeth, I don't fit into old clothes, I am sore and swollen in so many places...and I'm in awe at how God designed my body to adapt and adjust for one of the greatest gifts I could ever be given.  As amazing as it is that my body, as a grown woman, can acclimate to the change taking place, I am even more blown away at what is developing in my womb every day.  This week?  My baby is developing sweat glands and her skeleton is changing from cartilage to bone.  I've tracked the progress each week, amazed as her heart started beating and her lungs were formed and her toenails developed. Amazed even at how she was first formed, from that moment of conception. I have a heightened sense of awareness when it comes to potential danger, even if it is something that is outrageous and ridiculous, because I would do anything to protect this tiny precious life that cannot protect itself.  And I think constantly...what will my son or daughter look like?  What color will his or her hair be?  What will he grow up to accomplish?  I hope he loves Jesus Christ with all his heart.  I hope I can show him how to do that.  But beyond my baby and my desires for her, I hope I can somehow reach others and show them what a gift life is.  I know some beautiful people who have terminated pregnancy, and I hope they know there is love and forgiveness from a Savior who died for their sins.  I hope that my voice can be counted as one who will stand for the voiceless.  I pray someday my children will not have to even fight this infanticide injustice, because it will end with my generation.  Life is beautiful.  I hope I never forget that and I hope the conviction remains to stand against anyone who says otherwise.  

Psalm 139:13-16:
"For you formed my inward parts; 
You wove me in my mother's womb. 
I will give thanks to you, 
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  
Wonderful are Your works, 
and my soul knows it very well.  
My frame was not hidden from You, 
when I was made in secret, 
and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; 
and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me,
 when as yet there was not one of them." 



Saturday, March 8, 2014

Friendship and Unconditional Love

This is one of my venting blogs.  I'm writing it just to make myself feel better.  I'm horribly awkward with words, at least when it comes to trying to express my frustrations verbally.  So I write.  

This has been one heck of a year.  I'm am at peace.  I am blessed beyond anything I've ever deserved.  Hear me say that first.  

Now I will say this.  Prioritizing is difficult for me sometimes.  I'm NOT good at juggling.  One of my favorite and most life impacting professors when I was in college said this: "People always tell you to do your best at everything you do.  I'm here to tell you that's impossible.  If I was the best professor I could be, I would be always available to answer your questions, I would attend all of your recitals, and my wife would hate me.  You have to choose to prioritize and do your best at what is most important.  Everything else comes after that."  
Amen.  Those words have stuck with me for 15+ years.  

So I'll now say this.  My relationship with Christ comes first.  That is what I give my best.  Sure, I fail every day, but it is what matters to me most.  My husband and learning how to be a great mom comes second.  Everything else comes after that. I didn't have the first formative years with Amelia and Riley to practice.  I'm suddenly thrust into a position where I'm helping with homework, signing permission forms, and paying for school tuition and doing all these...mom...things.  I love it.  But I would be lying if I said it's not one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  There are days I'm literally bone tired and spend a ton of time on my knees just begging for God given wisdom on how to do what is best for my husband and those girls.  THIS is what I choose to give my all to.  It is what I choose to do with my best. 

I love my friends.  I cherish every single one of them.  Unfortunately, I'm not the kind of personality who always shows it.  It's not like I don't try, it's just that sometimes even a small favor is one of the hardest things for me to do.  Sure, I would absolutely love to be one of those people who can beautifully hold it together while I juggle the motherhood, wife title, friendships, career, and social events.  But my introverted self won't let me.  And I've come to realize...THAT IS OK.  Because at the end of the day, those who love me love me, period.  That's not to say that they don't challenge me to grow and be better, it's just to say that they don't make demands and then abandon me when those demands aren't met.  They understand what it's like to struggle beneath all the responsibility, and they love unconditionally.  Those friends (and I've learned more in the last year who they are...) love with a love like Christ.  

I recently had a relative send me an ugly email and unfriend me on Facebook for not sending her a thank you note quickly enough after she gave us a wedding gift.  Oops.  I thought that doing something kind was just that...doing something kind.  I am always genuinely baffled when I find out after the fact that a kind deed comes with a list of  "do this or else" demands.  I don't really like to ask people for anything, so it is very difficult for me to understand.  There have been several other instances of the same type of behavior unfold this last year.  It is so ugly!

I am going to single out one of my dearest friends, Sabrina, as an example of someone I appreciate.  I haven't seen her in a couple of years.  I used to make monthly trips down to Houston when I was going through my divorce, and she and I would always hang out and have a great time.  Since moving to Amarillo, that is more difficult to do.  She has asked me numerous times to come down and visit.  It has yet to happen.  John and I will finally be able to go visit this summer.  She hasn't been demanding or given me any kind of guilt trip, she was just ecstatic we were finally able to make it down there to see them. Our visit wasn't on her timetable, but that was ok with her.  I love knowing I have friends like that!  Those are the ones who get me through the crazies.  

Ok, so like I said, I wrote this because I needed to vent.  
Every day I learn more what kind of friend I want to be and what kind of friend I want to have.  The love of Christ is unconditional, though daily I fail Him.  My friendships should strive to be the same.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

A woman's view on "Women's Rights"

So I understand that the new trend is not to set a New Year's Resolution, but instead to come up with a single word that will define the upcoming year.  
I'm a pretty stubborn person, so I don't easily give into a new trend.  Chances are, if everyone seems to be doing it...I want nothing to do with it.  
However, this idea won't leave my mind.  In fact, I've done it somewhat involuntarily for the last two years.  And both years my word has been the same.  I wasn't really a word I picked.  It was a word that was dropped on me like a bomb.  A scary word.  A real word.  An active word.  Yikes.  
Not that I'm one to shy away from what I believe in.  (Those of you who know me know that's laughable...)

Ok, so let me get to the point of this blog.  
Tonight I was perusing Facebook, when I stumbled across an article where (forgive me, I can't remember his name right now; partly because I am horrible with names and partly because I couldn't possibly care less about Hollywood in general...) The Hulk was weighing in on "women's reproductive rights."
My pleasant evening where I wanted to just sort of, selfishly, forget the world around me for a few hours came to a screeching halt.  

First of all, I don't need some millionaire, out of touch, celeb to speak for me.  I can speak for myself.  How's that for women's equality?  :)

On a deeper level, I found his statements troubling for several reasons.  
Abortion is not a matter of "women's rights."  When I think women's rights, I think that I and all other women should be able to walk down the street without a trace of fear about being raped.  I think that we should be adored and cherished as all that God created us to be.  I think that we should be able to speak for ourselves, be educated, vote, and make our voices heard.  You see, to me abortion is not a right.  In fact, it is one of the most egregious violation of human rights in the history of our world.  And as a woman, I find it absolutely reprehensible when a man thinks he is some soft of hero for speaking out on on the reasons why I should be able to mindlessly kill and dispose of a defenseless human.
It's a sneaky lie, there's no doubt.  We women are supposed to feel free and liberated that we have Hollywood on our side.  Odd.  Because I think the definition of masculinity is protection of women and of life.  Abortion is a violent, horrible practice with two victims...woman and child.  

So maybe The Hulk thinks he's doing me and all other women a favor by speaking out on our behalf?  Perhaps.  But there are also those who speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves.  
And maybe he and millions of others think abortion is liberation and empowerment.  
I think women deserve better.  

Thursday, December 26, 2013

For my girls

Being a "step" mom is one heck of an adventure.  I know I'm blessed because I get along so well with the girls, and they are respectful and sweet to me.  I call myself their mom, because I feel that I am.  (Hey, who says you can't/shouldn't have more than one??)
I am proud that they belong to me, and I'm honored that they allow me to belong to them.

It is difficult to be a girl or a woman in our society.  I think any woman will agree. As I watch my girls grow older, I see things creep into their minds or hearts that I dealt with as a child or deal with now as a woman. And I am a worrier by nature, so I tend to freak out when I have a feeling something might cause them pain. I know I cannot help them simply by worrying, though. So this is my strategy with them.  I will CONSTANTLY feed into them the truth.  When the world tells them their waist should be such and such size, I will tell them that their soul should hunger for the Truth of Christ.  When they are told that a dream woman has large breasts, I will tell them a real woman has a large heart.  When the world wants them to douse their face in makeup, I will tell them that the One who created them, who sees the depth of their souls, shed His innocent blood in their place.  In a society where women are something to be lusted for, treated as objects, and exploited, I will tell them that a true man will guard and protect them and never jeopardize their safety or morals or heart.  When the world tells them that the fewer clothes they wear the more desirable they are to men, I will tell them that the kind of man they want to attract will desire their modesty and respect them for it.  While society paints the portrait of being a "real" man as conquering as many women as possible, I will remind them that they deserve a man who has eyes only for them.  While society teaches them to date for fun and marry for convenience, I will tell them to date for marriage and marry for life.  And I will explain to them why.  I pray they listen like their lives depend on it. 

I will continue to worry, because that's what I do.  But I will also choose to pray fervently for them and surround them with the kinds of women I want them to grow into.  I pray that God will provide them with uncountable examples of women of all ages who live life simply to serve Christ.  They already have great examples of that at their school and at our church, and I'm grateful beyond words for that.  When I freak out, I will strive to remember that the One who is in charge of the Thompson house is greater than the one in the world.  And as much as I love those girls, I know I can't even imagine how much more their Creator loves them.  They are in His care, even when they aren't under our roof.  Praise God for His faithfulness!  He has promised to give me the desires of my heart; these are my desires for my girls.